Battle of the Cyborgs
by Madame Draconic TFoot Fetish
Summary: An epic epic of epic proportions. Not for the uptight. It also crosses into other things, especially Wild Arms 5. Very random.


Shi-Long Lang was in Wal-Mart beating up cashiers, when Miles Edgeworth marched in wearing a ninja hamburger on his head. He pulled a purple knife out of his pants pocket and slashed his own abdomen open; he then used his radioactive entrails to poison the entire food supply of the United States. He also replaced his bowels with a mechanical digestive system, so he didn't die.

Valiantly riding across the sea in a chariot from China came Tao Ren with his son glued to him as always. He lowered his head and used Pin Missile on the Statue of Liberty. Her eyes became flash drives made of meat and an Irish guy crushed a Nintendo 3DS into a fine powder and snorted it.

Tao Men ate the Irish guy and transformed into SUPER PWNZOR 9001. He dropped his pants and launched a pink flaming giraffe at the Statue of Liberty. She laughed and vomited comets all over Ren's chariot. Enraged, he whipped out his Gram-Zanber and flew on it like a witch, attempting to charge into the statue at full speed. She dodged him and started stomping around, causing wildfires and whatnot.

Ren backed up and anchored himself firmly to a cloud, then began to focus. The statue tried to interrupt him, but Ren's son kept her at bay. When his General Tso meter was full, Ren's left arm blew off into the Statue of Liberty's bra, and in its place grew a shiny new metal limb. Raising the arm in the air, Cyboren began to concentrate once again, this time to charge a great sphere of impeccable power.

As this ball of concentrated energy charged, everyone on Earth started to evacuate to the Moon, since they would not survive the aftershocks of the blast. Fearing that she may lose, the Statue of Liberty started to charge an energy weapon of her own. At that moment, Cyboren and the Statue of Liberty were racing against the clock for the fate of the Earth.

The statue charged her laser faster, and began firing at Cyboren. Struggling to maintain his concentration, he dodged her attacks as gracefully as he could muster. Finally, his Lock-On Death was fully charged; his son had made it to safety with the rest of Earth's inhabitants, so he was all set.

Aiming carefully, Cyboren launched the unimaginably powerful energy blast from his machine arm. It made contact with the rogue statue and blew her to smithereens. The Earth's temperature rose to over 4000 degrees Fahrenheit, and the dust was so thick that one could not see their own nose when they crossed their eyes. It would remain in this condition for 5000 years.

Cyboren flew to the Moon (the cybernetic arm allowed him to survive in and fly through space, and he is now immortal), gave his son a special apple juice blend that would make him completely immortal at age 21, and waited.

The dust on Earth cleared, so the everlasting father and son flew through space and set out to fix the other crisis that has rendered the planet uninhabitable: the poisoned food supply from Edgeworth's toxic innards. The radioactive intestines have spread to every nation except for Madagascar, which seems to be virtually impossible to infect with anything. Because nothing can ever kill them, Ren and Men made short work of the vile bowels, stockpiling them on the surface of Pluto. They cleaned up all remaining radiation, and the Earth was safe again. Finally, the REAL Statue of Liberty came out of hiding, grateful that her evil twin has been vanquished. All's well that ended well?

Unfortunately, no. Cybomiles was still at large, and just happened to be as powerful as Cyboren and Men combined. Out of the sea he rose, then flew up to the father and son. He pulled out a pistol and fired it at them. Of course, it did nothing, or so they thought. Those were no ordinary bullets; they were specially designed to negate immortality. While still inhumanely powerful and able to survive in space, Cyboren and Men were invulnerable no more. Dropping the modified pistol, Cybomiles conjured his Twin Fenrir ARMs and charged at Cyboren.

Cyboren pushed his son to a safe distance and instructed him to fly to the other side of the planet; this was personal. He pulled his Gram-Zanber out and parried Cybomiles' dual gunblades. The mortal enemies were too evenly matched: every swing of Cyboren's giant sword was blocked by the long, blade-like clips of Cybomiles' ARMs. Men knew better than to intervene, since he would either be killed or never hear the end of it from his parents for interrupting his father's personal battle.

After six hours of stalemate, the two cyborgs flew away from each other. They would have to take their battle elsewhere, since the Earth would undoubtedly be destroyed in their conflict. They rocketed up towards the heavens, twirling around each other like two hungry eagles fighting over a fish. Through the thermosphere, through the exosphere, out of the solar system, and out of the Milky Way galaxy they went, until they reached a planet similar to Earth, except it had two moons and one large landmass. Filgaia.

Filgaia is a planet where worldwide disasters are common, so the inhabitants would fare much better against their feuding. They flew downwards through the planet's atmospheric layers, until they smashed through a huge glass dome and touched down in the city of Laila Belle.

The Veruni civilians stared on in awe at the alien duo that had appeared at the speed of light; they had but a second to stare before the rival cyborgs tore into each other once again. Cybomiles deployed the wrist-talons he had been waiting to use, and cut four nasty gashes in Cyboren's left cheek. The pain stimulated Cyboren's combative spirit, and he retaliated with a brutal jab from his machine limb. It connected with Cybomiles' side and broke three of his ribs.

Cybomiles howled with pain, then flew up into the alien sky. He stretched out both of his arms, and dove, spreadeagled, into Cyboren. Cyboren was quick; he leaped to the side, narrowly avoiding Cybomiles' deadly dive attack. The prosecutor crashed into the ground, leaving an enormous crater in his wake.

He levitated out of the crater, then fired his machine forearms at Cyboren. He dodged the flying fists, but was hit on the rebound. The hovering hands levitated back to their owner with Cyboren restrained.

Without any squirming or struggling, Cyboren cooly freed himself by tilting his head backwards and poking out one of Cybomiles' eyes; the agony of which caused him to drop the Chinese cyborg. The one-eyed prosecutor squirmed in mid-air, trying to allieviate his pain with a morphine pill from the stash he kept conveniently stashed away in the Bender-like door on his belly.

Cyboren's eye twitched. "Morphine, just like that creepy wheelchair guy. What a cheater." He set out to destroy Cybomiles' supply of painkillers, which was surprisingly easy. He rocketed up into the air, and with one fell swoop, delivered a punch powerful enough to tear the door off of its hinges and to displace the pain-relieving drugs; they fell into the sea, never to be recovered.

This enraged Cybomiles, since Cyboren had attacked from his blind spot. He retaliated by sinking his steel talons into his nemesis' right arm as he was attempting to fly to a safe distance; Cyboren lost his cool, and flopped like a fish in an attempt to free himself. It was futile. Cybomiles laughed insanely, then swung his own arm downward, snapping the bone in Cyboren's biological limb like a pencil. He let out a scream that would make Kartikeya's blood freeze in his veins.

In lieu of all this violence, the archenemies were still at a stalemate; neither was really winning or advantaged in any way. They stopped fighting in an organized fashion; instead, they charged at each other full force and literally fought tooth and nail. Biting, clawing, kicking genitals, none of it was above them. They just wanted victory.

The battle raged on for weeks, and eventually Cyboren emerged victorious; he had won by biting a huge chunk of flesh out of Cybomiles' throat and tearing out his implants while he was in shock from the savage attack. Hanging on by a hair, Cyboren slowly lowered himself to the ground. Inimaginably fatigued, he collapsed on top of the mutilated prosecutor that lie still beneath him. He had taken too much damage, he had lost too much blood. He would never wake up.

On Earth, Ren had golden statues of him erected in honor of him saving the world. Losing his father was terribly painful for Men, but at the same time he felt proud; proud to be the son of a man who saved the world and proud that he had stayed out of the fight against all odds. He understood now: his father had not allowed him to fight to protect him, since it was a losing battle. The best that could be done was a draw, which is exactly what his father had managed. The best. He was always the best.

Men stared up at the stars, and let out a sigh. "Father", he said aloud to the heavens, "wherever you are, you did a great thing. I'm proud of you, I love you, and I guarantee you will never be forgotten. Your bravery will be immortalized, your story will be heard, and you will never fade from history."

**THE END**


End file.
